Inspiration and Revelation

Over the past several days, I have been contemplating the mindset that some adults “act like a baby” when they are sick. Kendyl is sick. She has been stuffy and sneezy for over a week and after a visit to her doctor on Monday, we discovered she has a nasty ear infection. The crazy thing is that you would never know she was sick. She hasn’t cried, she’s not fussy, and, as her Aunt Shelley says “She takes her medicine like a trooper.” Even though her eyes are watery, she snorts from her stuffy nose, and her temperature may be elevated, she just keeps smiling and playing as if nothing was wrong. I only hope I can “act like Kendyl” when I am sick and keeping smiling. She is, as always, my inspiration.

On another note, Kendyl spent all day yesterday with Kevin since it was his day off. When I got home, I could tell they had really bonded because Kendyl was all about her Daddy. If he was in the room, she would not take her eyes off of him and even when he wasn’t looking, she would just smile at him. Her happiness glowed every time he talked to her and he was just as cute with her. I could tell Kendyl has Kevin wrapped around her 10 perfect fingers AND her 10 chubby toes. As I watched this, all I could think about was 16 years from now when she is asking to take the car to a party and her flashing him another heart-melting smile. I don’t think Kevin has a chance.

Kendyl's First History Lesson

Kendyl had her first history lesson yesterday on presidential inaugurations. I was fortunate to have a 'snow' day so she and I watched the festivities together. Now, I may not completely agree with Obama's platform, but I certainly agree that it is a historic event.

Kendyl started off the morning curled up on our bed sleeping. I had the TV on but I was busy in the kitchen making bottles. Around 11:30, I went to check on her and there she was... she was lying on her tummy but had lifted her head so she could see the TV. She did not take her eyes off of it even when I walked into the room. It was as if she understood that she needed to watch (this was the exact time everyone was processing to their seats).

Kendyl's spot all morning

Kendyl watching the inauguration

Seeing her interest, I fixed her bottle and we sat on the couch to watch the actual swearing in. As I sat with her, I started to think about how she will study this in her history classes and the question of "where were you" is bound to come up. So, Miss Kendyl, you were 13 weeks old sitting at home with your mommy enjoying your bottle when the first African-American president was sworn into office. The energy of the day was contagious as the cameras spanned the crowd showing hopeful and optimistic Americans coming together once again – all placing their confidence in this one man to turn our nation around. I pray Obama is able to accomplish this, but, more importantly, I pray that we remember there is a power greater than Obama and our faith always needs to be with Him.

Sleep Junkie

It's seems everyone's first question is "How is Kendyl sleeping?" but no one ever asks "How are you sleeping?" I am amazed at how tired I feel even with 6 hours of sleep. Kendyl sleeps great. She has been sleeping through the night for over a month now (and by 'through the night,' I mean from about midnight until 7am). She looks so peaceful as she lays swaddled and warm in her cradle. I wish someone would swaddle me! I am guessing that although I am lying in bed for those 6 hours, I am not sleeping as soundly as I used to (and I was so good at it). I now find myself planning when I can get my next “fix” of sleep, even if it is just for 10 minutes.

Exhaustion is definitely settling in and life is getting more and more interesting. Here a just a few examples:

*While cooking dinner one night, I picked up a dirty dish towel with the intention of putting it in the hamper. I later found it in the trash can. Oops!

*For the past three days, I have fallen asleep at my desk with my finger still clicking away on my mouse. If not for the sudden jerk as I drifted off into snooze-land, there is no telling when I would have woken up.

*I assigned the same student to three different rooms because I didn't remember ever assigning him. I hope he knows where he is living! :-)

*I actually found myself completely zoned out while attempting a song on guitar hero - I didn't get boo'd off stage though!

*While catching up with Kevin last night, we were talking about a meeting I had and him staying home with Kendyl instead of meeting up with the guys. His response was "I am too tired to go out." Now, that's exhaustion!

*Kevin fixes Kendyl’s bottles every night in preparation for the next day. Last night, we had a fifteen minute conversation about how many bottles we had made and how many more we needed. We counted, recounted, added, carried the two, and finally came up with a reasonable plan. This morning, neither of us could remember how many we had, how many we needed, and how many we had made just 6 hours before. I hope Michelle ended up with enough to last her through the day!

I could probably come up with millions of little examples of the crazy things we do as a result of exhaustion, but I might fall asleep typing them. Instead, I will just remember what "Hootie" says: "It won't be like this for long" and I will treasure every sleepless moment.

A Dose of Optimism

Well, the inevitable happened. The holidays passed, the decorations packed, the new year celebrated, and the 11 wonderful weeks of maternity leave have come to an end. Now it’s back to work. As I sit here at my desk trying to focus on housing assignments, training schedules, and budget requests, I find myself thinking about my little sweetie. I wonder what it is she is doing – telling her Aunt Shelley a story, playing on her mat, watching one of her movies, or just taking in the world around her.

Throughout this pregnancy, I was questioned as to whether I would return to work once Kendyl was born and my answer was always a definite “yes.” How could I not? I love my work, my students, and my colleagues. I had finally found a career that was fulfilling and I could not imagine not doing it. Not to mention, it provides a roof over our heads. I am sure the decision to return to work is one many new moms struggle with, but I never thought I would be one of them. Boy how things change. The thought of missing a moment of Kendyl’s life just tears me up. I long for that overwhelming feeling of contentment that consumes me as she wraps her tiny fingers around mine and flashes that melt-your-heart grin.

On top of this transition, I am starting classes again this week. When I enrolled in grad school in January 2007, I had already had four miscarriages so schoolwork was a great distraction. Although it was difficult to switch my mind back to ‘student mode’ after 9 years, I felt I had purpose. I enjoyed the interaction with the professors and learning the new trends in my field. In preparation for Kendyl, I took the fall semester off but now I have to get back to the ‘student’ mindset. I haven’t’ quite figured out when I will get my schoolwork completed since I want to spend every extra minute with Kendyl, but it’s a commitment I made to myself and must see through.

So now for my own dose of optimism:

I realize how fortunate I am to have a terrific sister who is willing to keep Kendyl so I don’t have to send her to a day care with strangers. Michelle has done a wonderful job helping me by sending text messages and pictures updating me on Kendyl’s day. I know Kendyl is in loving, capable hands and is doing much better dealing with the separation than her mommy. I will take a lesson from her (not the last one she will teach me, I’m sure). I have a wonderful husband and supportive family who will go to any lengths to make sure I am able to get everything done and hang on to my sanity in the process. I guess getting stuff done isn’t nearly as worrisome as the guilt from taking the time away from Kendyl. In addition, I focus on the example I am setting for Kendyl. I want her to know that she can accomplish anything she puts her mind to and can be a successful professional, student, wife, and mother.

I am sure I will rely on plenty of lists to get me through this. My work, school, and personal ‘to dos’ will have to be documented somewhere so I don’t get stuck in baby talk land. And let’s not forget the biggest blessing God has bestowed – Kendyl. For years I prayed I would have a little one so these little things that I have to work through now are really just small obstacles. It’s all going to be okay… I just have to give myself few days.