My Therapy

Since June 4, 2005, our lives have been an emotional roller coaster. We had just found out we were pregnant and just as quickly found out the baby would not survive. “Not a viable pregnancy” were the words the doctor used as he was exiting the room. Seven months later, we were back in the same ultrasound room being told that our second baby no longer had a heartbeat. This time, we were 12 weeks pregnant so surgery was required. After numerous tests, we found out that the baby had a genetic disorder that only occurs in 1% of ALL pregnancies. Just our luck, right?

This, of course, sparked concern so off to a specialist we went. Tests, tests, and more tests with encouraging results each time. Then came the medication. There were times I’m sure Kevin thought I had moved out and some crazy lady moved in. I felt horrible, but hopeful. I had more ultrasounds then I can count and I became a “regular” at the MedLab - often going every other day for bloodwork.

Another year and three lost pregnancies later I was losing hope. I couldn’t bear talking about everything we were going through because I couldn’t handle the emotions. I went through phases of sadness, anger, frustration, and confusion. I had so many unanswered questions - I didn’t know how to sort through them all. I spent hours researching online in an attempt to find answers. One glorious day, I came across an infertility website that had a link to a song by Kellie Coffey. After listening to the powerful lyrics, I realized she was telling my story. In every word, she fully captures what I was thinking and feeling. She sings about a loving husband, achievements, and dreams. She asks many of the same questions that were on my mind. This song quickly became the therapy I needed. On my bad days, I could play this song and feel some relief. On good days, it provided me with a glimpse of hope. It is hard to explain just how much comfort this song gave me but just singing it at the tops of my lungs with tears streaming down my face was exactly what I needed.

I share this now because my dream has come to life. God has given me the opportunity to be a part of a very special child’s heart. He created Kendyl especially for us and I see His glory every time I look into her eyes.

It was a year ago yesterday that we found out we were pregnant with Kendyl. The next nine months were filled with fear, elation, peace, and gratitude. Kendyl has filled my heart and it is sometimes hard to truly remember the feeling of emptiness I had for so many years. The Kelli Coffey song remains on my IPod and often pops up in my shuffle. I guess it is my continued therapy because each time I hear it, my heart fills with peace.

Here is a link to the song and video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Sixteen Days

It has been awhile since our last entry and so much has happened

February 1st - Kendyl rolls over! She went from her belly to her back in one quick motion. It was extremely exciting for us although she looked a bit confused. She hasn’t done it much since but we were able to get it on video! YEAH! We have having difficulty posting the video but hope to get it up soon!

February 11th - Kendyl’s 4-month well baby check up. She is 13.14 pounds and 24¼. Growing baby!

February 12th - Kendyl eats cereal. Today was the first day with cereal and she LOVES it! We started out just one time a day and as of today, have moved up to three times a day. Last night, while Kevin was feeding her, she was talking and cooing so contently. I guess now that her belly is full, she is feeling great!

February 14th – Kendyl’s first Valentine’s Day! Her daddy gave her a special book about hugs then she spent the evening with her nannie and poppa while we went out to eat. Unfortunately, she fell asleep at 8:00 so they didn’t get much play time but with so many things happening, it’s no wonder she is tired!

February 17th - Kendyl sits up! She was on her changing table and I was holding her in the seated position while I put her jammies on. She leaned herself forward so her hands were on either side of her feet and started talking away. I let her go (she was well-supervised of course) and she was able to hold herself steady while sitting up! This moves us up to a whole new set of toys!

It’s amazing to think about everything Kendyl has accomplished in just 16 days. I try to capture and treasure every moment but they are coming so quickly, I hope I can keep up!